A Little More Information.......

I've had a few comments on my state of tiredness. Thank you for all your concern! For those who haven't been "in the loop". I have tried more sleeping pills than I can even count. They don't make me sleep any "better" than I already do. I still dream crazily and I feel like I have lived another life all night long. The other problem with sleeping pills is that they leave me feeling a little groggy in the morning. I'm already tired, I don't need to add grogginess! :)

So, a few years ago my doctor thought maybe the sleepiness could be a side effect of some other meds I was taking. He changed my meds. We tried 3 or 4 different meds over the course of many months, but there was no change. I have another doctor now who had me stop the meds altogether and still no change. I have had a night time sleep study (I'm not sure how a person is supposed to sleep with a million wires hanging from them). I've had a day time sleep study. I've had a few oximetry studies. Conclusion: no sleep apnea, no narcolepsy, no clue what it is! In fact, the sleep specialist I have gone to told me that I'm "not normal". I had to laugh at that. I didn't need to pay big bucks for her to tell me that! I'm smart enough to figure that out on my own....

My doctor had me try the CPAP machine (forced air for sleep apnea) to see if it might help. It drove me crazy! It took a while, but I was finally able to sleep with it for a while, but there never was any benefit. My sleep specialist wants me to try it again, but the thought of using it again fills me with such dread and I break down into tears. For those who know me, I don't cry -- at least not very often. The thought of the CPAP machine is so torcherous to me that I actually cried in the doctor's office. I told the doctor I would try it again, basically to please her. Due to some scheduling problems, it has never worked out for me to try it. I've even called the company to see when they might deliver it. It was ordered in May, but still no delivery (the middle of September). I called the doctor's office to ask about it. The doctor had told me that maybe if it worked this time that there is a mouth insert that could work. I asked if we could just try the mouth insert and I was told that it is only 50% effective. What?! What's the point of torchering me more than? She basically came out and told me that she didn't think it really would be helpful. So WHY are we trying it? Well, I decided to take the 5 months of not being able to straighten things out and get the CPAP machine to me as a sign that I didn't need to try it again. It didn't work the last time I tried it (1 year ago) and I don't know why I should think it would work now.

For now, I rely on stimulants during the day to keep me somewhat coherent. They work ok and I can make it through the day. I'm grateful for that. I'm kind of at a loss as to what to try next. I don't take the stimulants on the weekends to try to minimize my body developing a tolerance to them (my body is amazingly efficient at tolerating many drugs -- in fact, I can take some of the stimulants and still be asleep within the hour....). I don't want the stimulants to be the permanent solution, but they are all I have right now.

So, that is my sob story. I was reading back in my journal and realized this has been going on for well over 4 years. Thinking back, when I was living in Kaysville, I would have to stop on the way home from work (in Salt Lake) and take a nap in the parking lot of Smith's. That was a good 5 or 6 years ago. I guess I really can't pin point a start to my sleeping problems. All I know is they have gotten bad enough that I can no longer function. I'm far too grouchy with my poor students. I feel bad when I get cross with them, but if they would just stop whining! :)

Ok, so that is more of the story. I appreciate everyone's love and support! If you have further ideas, feel free to send them my way. I will continue to write down my more entertaining dreams. I might as well entertain all of you if I can!